Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
