Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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