So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
