i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
