She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
