if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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