Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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