I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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