was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
