Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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