Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
