I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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