I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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