i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
