I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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