I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
