i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
