it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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