We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
