You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
