umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
