Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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