Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
