i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
