i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
