I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
