I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
