Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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