uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
