weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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