Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
