yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
