You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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