and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
