That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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