I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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