i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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