I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
