I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
