Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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