I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
