Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
