My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
