I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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