your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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