dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
