dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
