i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
