I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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