Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My pussy is not your playground.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
