I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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