every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
