I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
