I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
