I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
