hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can Purell be used as lube?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
