so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
