We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
