I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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