It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The beer is more important than you right now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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