I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
